Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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