dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
