what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
