I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
