I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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