Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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