the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
