you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
