Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
