I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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