Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
