Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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