I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize