also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
