I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
