so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
