Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
