The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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