So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
