If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
