She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Boobs are out for the taking
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
