playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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