butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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