i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
