Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
