Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
