i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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