dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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