I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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