sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
