grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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