Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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