1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs