can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
