I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The struggles of a small town man whore