i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.