Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
