he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
