So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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