I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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