He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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