Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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