Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
