I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is Oprah even human
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
