I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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