Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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