This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you traded sex for a burrito?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
