my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
