yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
