the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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