cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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