I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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