I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
