We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
