Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
