How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
