dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
