Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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