5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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