When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
