and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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