She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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