Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
