he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
