using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
