dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
