my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
