Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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