You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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