i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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