Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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