Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
