True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I looked at my own cervix.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
